3 Cups or None: A Working Mom’s Tale

“Mrs. Shannon? If you don’t mind me saying so, you don’t look well.”

We had only be working together for about six weeks. I had just run back in the building after driving all the way home during my 45 minute lunch break to see my baby for a minute, to pump breast milk as it seems to be easier on my body and mind to do it in the privacy of my own room instead of at work, and I ran smack into our Human Resources Director. Her brow furrowed with concern as she scanned my face and gently touched my arm. We didn’t know each other, but she knew enough to know that I wasn’t going to make it to my next class looking the way I did.

“Would you follow me, please?”

I didn’t question her. I was tired from being up between 2 and 4 am with a teething baby, teaching five classes of High School Senior boys why they had to care about Beowulf, overseeing the English Department as a whole and basically from every other care and worry that comes from burning your candle at both ends. If someone asked one more thing from me, I was afraid I would break into pieces onto the hallway floor.

She lead me to her office, and sat me down in her chair. Then, she left for five minutes. It could have been more. I may or may not have briefly fallen asleep. When she returned, she was carrying a steaming bowl of soup and a ceramic cup of tea. She placed the offering in front of me on her own desk, amidst all of her files and papers.

“Mrs. Shannon, when was the last time you ate?” She inquired.

I wasn’t sure. I could remember last night’s dinner- which I gave half away to my monster of an 8 month old. She’s always hungry. I left the house late at 7 this morning, so breakfast wasn’t really an option. I caught a quick cup of dark coffee from the teacher’s room- the kind with the powdered creamer in the tall, tan bottle that no one likes but no one wants to invest the 3.45 it cost for actual half and half. I went home during my lunch, pumped, snuggled the babe, and got caught in traffic on the way back so the cafeteria was closed. It was 2:30. I hadn’t eaten in nearly 24 hours.

I didn’t actually verbalize any of this to her, but it seemed as though I didn’t have to. She pushed the bowl toward me, and called another teacher to cover my class for 10 minutes while I ate. I took a deep breath. I have had Turkish tea maybe only one other time in my life, but it was clear to me in that moment why they drink it so often. A few weeks prior, another teacher jokingly explained to me that there was an expression between his friends concerning tea time- “Three cups or none.” When I asked what it meant, he laughed and said that tea is taken so seriously, that if you’re not going to invest in doing it right (three cups) it’s better not to have any at all. Carving specific time out for nourishment-both physical and relational- is integral to a healthy, sustainable life.

It was clear to our Director, that my life was anything but healthy and sustainable in that moment and she was unafraid to call me out, pour me a cup and a bowl, and sit there and make sure I took the time to breathe while I ate it. She asked me about my family, my children, my winter break plans. My favorite recipe, song, book- anything that was completely unrelated to my job. It was only a few minutes, but I left feeling nourished in more than one way, and finishing the rest of the day didn’t seem so daunting.

I thought about the “three cups or none” saying for the rest of the day. If I had only taken the time to invest in three cups worth in the first place, I would have saved precious time and sanity in the long run. I’m so thankful that she didn’t wait until we crossed over the threshhold of “close friend” to express the kind of concern that I needed. Often, we’re so afraid to appear pushy or personal to others with whom we’re not very close and we miss out on the very opportunity that could draw us together. We can all recognize burn out when we see it- women, particularly are prone to this. It would do us all a bit of good to be on the look-out for those of us who need reminding that we haven’t taken the time for our three cups.

Of water. Of tea. Of wine, sometimes, when the occasion calls for it.